"what was the last time you've made a friend?"
a question i ask myself often;a question i ask others often;
most often, the reply is
"i think it was when i've met you, you're my most recent one"
something i don't quite understand
i keep thinking about this.
it's so hard to make friends- get people who i can call friends nowadays, in this age and era.
i'd love to say that it's a natural part of growing up: as you become an adult, you have more responsibility, you are no longer in school where it's considered appropriate to make friends with people, it should be a normal thing
but i don't feel normal with it. i don't think i should.
i think i don't feel normal with it because i barely made any friends in school; i've always been an internet online guy; i've always been a part of communities and trying to find new people to talk to
what i've noticed is that modern internet has never felt so hostile.
full of hatred, harassment that you can report but that never gets dealt with;
youtube automatic recommendations are full of gorey triggering content because that's what gets the engagement and the views;
and an average person lives with a "i don't owe anyone anything" attitude, forgetting how to care for other people nowadays.
we live in a selfish, cruel, cold world, ruled by fascism and the children of it,
and so many dream of an utopia where everyone will be happy and no one will have to suffer instead; but that dream never seems to involve nuance, never asks difficult question, never attemps to solve problems;
i keep seeing people who dream of a perfect world,
i keep seeing their perfect world cannot have me in it 
ASEXUAL FLAG
POST-TRAUMATIC SYNDROME DISORDER SYMBOL
Let's stop this talk of them because the things we find deplorable in politicians, CEOs and cops are the same things that will tear ourselves apart
And let's stop this talk of words because words like dishonesty, selfishness, and laziness, and greed aren't as distinct to us as we'd like to believe, to believe
so many people say "i feel lonely"
and
so many people say "i want love"
i've noticed that despite feeling the same and constantly reaching out to people,
i more and more notice how people feel alien with concept of friendship and love
it starts to become an idea,
an ideal
not a tangible thing that people can gain,
not something they can improve at
not something they should and deserve to have, it's weird, really
my friends say i'm a nice, sweet, caring person a lot
every time when they say that, i wanna to smile and say thanks, but i often tend to say it's nothing special
and the reason why i do that is because it's not
it feels like throughout the decade, with rise of this unjustifiable, never-ending, widespread hatred to everyone, people forgot what gentleness feels like, what it's like to reach out to someone who you think is similar to you and whom you like
people make call-out posts, calling others sensitive, disrespecting people's boundaries, normalizing being abusive,
people don't remember what it's like to be loved, and we all treat it like it's normal and it's how it always has been, but it hasn't, and i don't think it should be,
i'm tired of pretending it is not normal for me to be loving and loved
hey,
if you've read this blogpost
do you think you want to be friends?
after all, it's worth asking yourself
what was the last time you've made one?